To the left of me, one father asks, "What is wrong if I lightly spanked a child who was misbehaving and about to hurt themselves? That is nothing in comparison to the harshness that I received from my father". To the right of me, the smallest "in size," member of the group, feels at a loss, why his beautiful daughter will have nothing to do with him. He loves her, so? In both instances, these wonderful Dads are confused about the current day "expectations."
As my mind gave presence to my surroundings, and the talented animators at the workshop asked for total participation in what they had organized. I began to suffocate, realizing full well that any one of these beautiful human beings was struggling to answer the same question, "The Why?". All they meant was to help and be there for their children. The guilt, the labeling that we inflict on each other, is horrendous!
Upon final analysis, as this was happening, with my friend's son, he had very little control or fault in this matter. The Age of Rage was upon this young man, as I have explained in my earlier episode. Young Nediarb was reacting to social peer pressures he was encountering, very little to do with anything his Dad had done.
Time and time again, you hear and see situations that surface that engulf families altogether; destroying them in the process. The "Age of Rage," which young adolescence must naturally experience, some more extreme than others, can tear families apart. It is a time when couples must remain united. Even divorced parents and especially non-biological caregivers should tap into their unconscious reserves to ride these "stallions" to human domestication, without breaking their spirit. Such fazes of adolescent growth, are notably more difficult for fathers: Males, tend to be reactive, rather than passive, inflaming the adolescent circumstance. Mothers are better skilled at this: Their own less aggressive reactions in such situations, are more helpful, in most part.
Today, I can share with you with glee, that my friend's son has surpassed his depression and desperation. Working with resource persons, both Nediarb and his Dad are finding solutions to issues that they both had to resolve.
I am thankful that these workshops for fathers are now beginning to surface; they are badly needed. Men need as much support raising children as women, yet up until recently, this type of intervention has lacked for men. The entire paradigm of family responsibility and who cares and raises children has shifted overnight. Today, both men and women, are called upon to play both roles of provider and caregiver, and neither is fully prepared. They both stand on the land of earthquakes (needs and wants), asked to juggle a job, children and personal relationships overwhelmed by it all.
By Elias Leousis,