Restless young minds are again at my door of consciousness, asking for more advice on a multitude of issues to which I am honored to respond. I can categorize your questions into three main groups, needs, wants, and demands; so let us attempt each one in its turn.
Being part of the living world, the "corporal" world, the animal world; be we a tiger cub, a monkey or human, we have basic needs that we cannot do without. It is instinctive for our survival that these "needs" be secured long before we can provide for ourselves.
Those who give us birth, our parents, are themselves bound to these laws of survival because they too are part of this psychology.
In other words, healthy parents will not deny you, food, water, sleep, etc.. As important is your ability, your right, for you to express yourself through your sexuality. Here is where we get into a touchy subject. Many teens get all excited because somewhere along the way, this subject is made taboo, dirty, and something best be kept in the darkness. In fact, it is one of the most vital needs of youth and our very existence as a species depends on it.
Your sexuality is part of who you are and who you express yourself to be; it is part of your name. I will not deal with the "mechanics" of this subject. By now, your curiosity and the Internet has educated you enough to know more than I can attempt to describe here. What I am interested in is to help you get over the "psychological guilt," that might be placed on you at this early stage. Your curiosity sometimes puts you in embarrassing situations, shame, and guilt, which it should not.
A boy wrote to me that he was caught viewing, "inappropriate" content, on the Internet. He was made to feel very guilty about it; this should not be so. Your curious minds are asking questions; questions that your guardians, your parents, teachers, wise men/women, should be ready to help you explore. In most cases, it is no one's fault; it is just that there is no certainty when it is the "appropriate time." That is why there must be trust, love, and forgiveness. However, you must also realize what a powerful human entity you have become; nature has now bestowed upon you, the power to reproduce another human being. That is a great responsibility; one that you must not take likely.
Up to this point, you have been fed, cared for, and nurtured, by someone else. Your parents or guardians have assumed, and dedicated, a large part of their lives in your care. The question you should be asking is whether you are ready to equal that care, if not be prepared to give more?
Look at the chart below, it is a useful guide for you to follow. See what steps you need to go through in your growth to “self-actualize:" To be fully aware of your identity and name, to be ready to take on the responsibility and care of another human being.
These are the steps that you will "naturally" go through, but you must be patient. The fact that you have grown your wings does not mean you can fly. That is why you need to listen and be patient and seek those around you, the adults, to show you the way. Remember, it is in adult's best interest, their very "existence" depends on it, that you succeed in life.
To desire to have something or someone is part instinctive like your "needs"; also something to strive for and reach as one's goals. This desire is a healthy attitude to have. Most young people find themselves getting into trouble when they "demand" to have their "wants," without having contributed anything towards their attainment: They confuse their "needs"; which have been met, up until now by others, their parents or guardians, with something that is desired but not vital; something that must be earned.
It is like taking part in a class project; something that you are all familiar with, where you are expected to contribute your fair share of the work. In fact, as you well know, those that provide more than their fair share are always sought after by other students. Those that do not pull their weight are usually, isolated, and dismissed from play. That is why my young friends, take advantage of this period in your lives. Be responsible contributors, in work, laughter, and joy. By doing so, you will attain many rewards because "wants" are "the currency" of many. If you give as much of this currency as you demand, you will be rewarded multiple times in return.
Demands come about when there is some "misunderstanding" between one's "needs" and "wants." It is not a comfortable place to be because there is a perception that some injustice exists. You see, young friends, you have every right to demand basic human survival "needs," be met by those who gave you life. Issues usually come about, when you demand that someone meet your "wants" as well. For example, you have every right to demand food, shelter, love, and care from your parents but you cannot "demand" things, just because "everyone else" has; if you know what I mean. In fact, you should realize a "secret"; most parents want to meet your "demands," but they should understand better, not to give in to these temptations. If they do, you will lose out in life and, they will be irresponsible parents: A formula that will harm you, in the long run. It is much easier for a parent to give in to your demands, than for them to take the responsible course and deny your immediate gratification of things that might cause you harm. Helios, the Sun God, did just that with his son, Phaethon.
"Phaethon, challenged by his playmates, sought assurance from his mother; that his father was the Sun God. She gave him the requested assurance and told him to turn to his father for confirmation. He asked his father for some proof that would demonstrate his relationship with the "Sun God." When The God promised to grant him whatever he wanted, he insisted on being allowed to drive the sun chariot for a day. Placed in charge of the chariot, he was unable to control the horses. The earth was in danger of being burnt up and, to prevent this disaster; Zeus killed him with a thunderbolt.
I can relate to you many tragedies that have taken place. Numerous parents have given in and allowed their children "their chariots" for a joyride, only to witness the loss of their children or worst of all, children maimed for life. The other side of this "anomaly," is having parents, who themselves are fearful of letting go. Parents who refuse to take the responsibility to "push out of the nest," their young so that they can take flight.
I have often witnessed bird's nests, where the mother will push the young chick out of the nest, for the young bird to take flight. It is the most difficult decision a loving parent will make. On your side of the equation, when you make "demands" of your parents, the question you should ask, are you ready to take on such a responsibility of someone else's life? Remember, once you jump out of the nest, there is no coming back. Once you express your sexuality and give birth to another human being, there is no sending it back - returns and refunds do not apply in real life!
I hope I have not been too, “patronizing” my young friends. I have said much and not told you a story; watch the following video of few words but definite meaning: “The Push.”
By Elias Leousis,
(Η αγάπη είναι το μελάνι, η σοφία είναι το μήνυμα.)
Love is the ink; wisdom is the message!
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